Feelings of Insanity: Relationships with ADHD people.

I am reading this book entitled: "The Gift of Learning: Proven New Methods for Correcting ADD, Math & Handwriting Problems". I read a phrase that described perfectly, the way I feel all the time. It stated on pg. 94, "A state of responsibility can exist only when a person is able and willing to cause a desired change or to prevent an undesired change. If someone is able but not willing, he cannot be responsible..." (This could be related to alcoholism, or quitting cigarettes, you might be able to, but not ready to yet/unwilling truthfully...in which case, you can't be responsible about it)...It goes on to say "Likewise if he is willing but not able, he cannot be responsible. Whenever we seriously violate this simple concept, we can expect emotional and psychological trauma. If you want to experience what it feels like to be insane, try to be responsible for something you aren't able to change. The feelings of frustration and guilt are products of violated responsibility". Wow!!! This is exactly how I've felt for two years!!  It continues, "The proper perspective, then, is to assume that the person you are working with must be given, and must accept, responsibility for correcting his own learning problems. At the start, your student will lack the knowledge and skill to do so. So your first job is to help your student become willing to assume responsibility for correcting the problem. Then you can help him gain the knowledge and skill that is needed to do so." Oh my god. I love this book.
     You see, when it comes to relationships with people with ADHD... these words can be applied so well. First of all, if a partner doesn't fully understand the symptoms in their entirety of ADHD, they can very easily get frustrated. A lack of knowledge in this department, is not helpful. When you read the statement above from a relationship perspective, you begin to realize things from the partner with ADHD's perspective. I can tell you first hand....I am constantly struggling with this feeling of "insanity". I am unfortunately stuck in the willing to accept responsibility stage, but I am ignorant to HOW to correct these behaviors, so I cannot fully be held accountable at this point. HOWEVER, I am researching constantly, getting counseling for it, and trying my hardest to find ways to deal with this, so eventually when I do have the knowledge, I can be held 100% responsible for these things. (I honestly don't think being held responsible is a good terminology, I think it should be more like...you should be more understanding because of the lack of knowledge someone has about themselves and the sense of not being able to change something).  I am excited to see where this gaining of knowledge takes me and how it will improve things in my life. That being said, I made the mistake of researching things from the perspective of a partner that doesn't fully understand ADHD.... it was incredibly disheartening and I probably should not have done so. It showed me all the incredibly negative sides of dealing with someone like me, and really upset me for awhile. But after I took it in and dissected it, I realized....wow, this must be how it is to deal with me from another persons perspective. Now, in saying that, I am not being self-depreciating or losing my sense of self-esteem....I am simply stating, that from someone's perspective, without ADHD, that doesn't understand it, the symptoms can be a handful for people to handle. This is why I have come to realize, that educating people on the disorder, is incredibly important. Understanding where a person is coming from, can help you better deal with your differences and you can learn to appreciate them for who they are and help them on their journey by mutually adapting and understanding, as opposed to misunderstanding them or thinking that their "lazy" or "unorganized". Which CAN and most likely will lead to self-esteem issues and severe frustration. Therefore, I feel like sometime in my future, I am going to be an advocate for ADHD. I have witnessed first hand, the damage that can be done in the ignorance of the it, mostly in a classroom of little kids with ADHD, and in relationships with people with ADHD. It's not pretty.