Interesting Article

Interesting topic on ADHD and Anxiety/Depression/Sacrifice of social for academic:

"The reason girls were so frequently overlooked in early ADHD research, according to Dr. Quinn, is twofold. First, the inattentive type of ADHD is more difficult to recognize than the hyperactive type, which is more common among boys. Second, girls tend to compensate better than boys. Generally girls are better than boys at getting help and recruiting social support to compensate for their attentional deficits. And even if it takes them more time, girls will do the work necessary to maintain their grades: sleep and social fulfillment will frequently be sacrificed to the altar of academic performance. I have had many moms tell me how their daughters work until the wee hours of the night, and still cannot finish their assignments. These girls feel a strong desire to please their teachers and their parents, and this frequently leads to feelings of pressure and anxiety to perform.

For girls with ADHD, impulsivity, inattentiveness and executive function deficits may persist and become problematic. Overwhelmed by demands for organization, planning and time management, many girls with ADHD will begin to struggle in middle school, feel overwhelmed in high school, and no longer be able to compensate for their ADHD by the time they reach college. Anxiety and internal distress may result from their inability to keep up with the increasing demands placed on them. This may lead to decreased feelings of self-esteem, isolation, and even depression. According to Dr. Quinn, 60% of the anxiety and depressive symptoms experienced by these girls are reduced significantly when their ADHD is treated."

Source: http://www.applerouth.com/blog/2010/06/09/paying-attention-multi-tasking-adhd-and-the-beauty-of-dopamine/

Feelings of Insanity: Relationships with ADHD people.

I am reading this book entitled: "The Gift of Learning: Proven New Methods for Correcting ADD, Math & Handwriting Problems". I read a phrase that described perfectly, the way I feel all the time. It stated on pg. 94, "A state of responsibility can exist only when a person is able and willing to cause a desired change or to prevent an undesired change. If someone is able but not willing, he cannot be responsible..." (This could be related to alcoholism, or quitting cigarettes, you might be able to, but not ready to yet/unwilling truthfully...in which case, you can't be responsible about it)...It goes on to say "Likewise if he is willing but not able, he cannot be responsible. Whenever we seriously violate this simple concept, we can expect emotional and psychological trauma. If you want to experience what it feels like to be insane, try to be responsible for something you aren't able to change. The feelings of frustration and guilt are products of violated responsibility". Wow!!! This is exactly how I've felt for two years!!  It continues, "The proper perspective, then, is to assume that the person you are working with must be given, and must accept, responsibility for correcting his own learning problems. At the start, your student will lack the knowledge and skill to do so. So your first job is to help your student become willing to assume responsibility for correcting the problem. Then you can help him gain the knowledge and skill that is needed to do so." Oh my god. I love this book.
     You see, when it comes to relationships with people with ADHD... these words can be applied so well. First of all, if a partner doesn't fully understand the symptoms in their entirety of ADHD, they can very easily get frustrated. A lack of knowledge in this department, is not helpful. When you read the statement above from a relationship perspective, you begin to realize things from the partner with ADHD's perspective. I can tell you first hand....I am constantly struggling with this feeling of "insanity". I am unfortunately stuck in the willing to accept responsibility stage, but I am ignorant to HOW to correct these behaviors, so I cannot fully be held accountable at this point. HOWEVER, I am researching constantly, getting counseling for it, and trying my hardest to find ways to deal with this, so eventually when I do have the knowledge, I can be held 100% responsible for these things. (I honestly don't think being held responsible is a good terminology, I think it should be more like...you should be more understanding because of the lack of knowledge someone has about themselves and the sense of not being able to change something).  I am excited to see where this gaining of knowledge takes me and how it will improve things in my life. That being said, I made the mistake of researching things from the perspective of a partner that doesn't fully understand ADHD.... it was incredibly disheartening and I probably should not have done so. It showed me all the incredibly negative sides of dealing with someone like me, and really upset me for awhile. But after I took it in and dissected it, I realized....wow, this must be how it is to deal with me from another persons perspective. Now, in saying that, I am not being self-depreciating or losing my sense of self-esteem....I am simply stating, that from someone's perspective, without ADHD, that doesn't understand it, the symptoms can be a handful for people to handle. This is why I have come to realize, that educating people on the disorder, is incredibly important. Understanding where a person is coming from, can help you better deal with your differences and you can learn to appreciate them for who they are and help them on their journey by mutually adapting and understanding, as opposed to misunderstanding them or thinking that their "lazy" or "unorganized". Which CAN and most likely will lead to self-esteem issues and severe frustration. Therefore, I feel like sometime in my future, I am going to be an advocate for ADHD. I have witnessed first hand, the damage that can be done in the ignorance of the it, mostly in a classroom of little kids with ADHD, and in relationships with people with ADHD. It's not pretty.

First Entry

I've struggled my whole life with being considered a "flaky" person. I've always wondered why I can't keep my committments and struggle really hard with keeping a schedule and remembering to be places on time. After being diagnosed with ADHD, I didn't really think to hard on it, I just thought...okay...that explains a lot and then didn't really do anything about it other than take adderall. But over the last semester, I came to realize, just how terribly ADHD affects life and just how severely I truly had it. It's a maze of insanity and I do not envy anybody else with it. It is not fun and people really think it's a joke, which is incredibly disheartening to hear about. The miseducation of what ADHD is and how it affects people's lives, is really discouraging sometimes. People think "ADHD is an excuse", but in reality, it is a serious dysfunction that has really made my life a huuuuge struggle lately. Over christmas break, I found myself cancelling plans on people so much, that I just decided to tell people "I'm not making plans anymore. If you're free in the moment, just text me and if I'm not doing anything, we'll hang out". The extent to which ADHD has taken over my life, is absurd! I get really tired of people telling me their uneducated theories on ADHD and how it's made up, or "oh that's normal, I do that all the time and I don't have ADHD!" What people don't realize when they say that, is that sure, everyone has moments of forgetfulness, or disorganization, or they struggle with one aspect of ADHD, not all of them...all at one time, ALL the time. They don't LIVE in forgetfulness and impulsivity...the meaning of "Living in the moment" takes on a whole new meaning with ADHD people. People also don't realize, how rude and ignorant these attitudes are. At first, I was really depressed at how out of control this "dysfunction" had made my life...I was in complete denial that I even had a "dysfunction" and was honestly, really hurt by this word in general, but the more research I do and the more I learn how to control it, the better things get. I never understood why it was so incredibly hard for me to pay bills on time, not forget about bills completely, lock my car keys in my car 4 times in 6 months without ever making a spare, not be a complete tornado when it comes to keeping my car/living area clean (When I'm "mentally" an organization freak and HATE messy things), always constantly losing papers and important documents...I struggle really hard with daydreaming...The only reason I can function when people are talking to me...is by taking every third word and piecing the sentence together. (Hence, why I'm so good at learning/understanding foreign languages). Sometimes, quite often and quite literally when people are talking to me, things get so mumbled jumbled, all I hear is "wah wah wah wah". Imagine trying to sit in a lecture for an hour with THAT fading in and out the entire time. Now I find it funny when I'm watching a movie, and somebody tries to talk to me, and I don't hear a word their saying because I have the ability (which is the catch-22 curse/blessing of ADHD), to hyperfocus and it's hard for me to come out of it. That being said, it's really sad when I try to explain to people that I try not to make too many solid plans anymore, they think I'm being rude or don't like them, or some other illegitimate reason, when the reality is, I just struggle really hard to maintain those type of things. It's hard enough to get required things down, like school and work. My point is, I hope that someday I can figure out a way to control this completely and to either not offend people and continue in my impusilve manner but be more direct about it, or figure out another way to make these extra committments and stick to them. I find that friends get really annoyed by me breaking these plans, or constantly over-committing myself....but I wish there was a way for me to explain, that it's such a struggle to keep my shit straight and that it's nothing personal at all. I know how frustrating it must be to deal with me sometimes, but once you understand fully where I am coming from, I believe it makes things easier. I even have 3 calenders, and it's hard for me to maintain them. But I refuse to give up! I will find a way! This semester, will be my hardest work in this area. 

Hello. My name is Leilah. I was diagnosed with ADHD almost two years ago. I am starting this blog as an adventure of discovery of my diagnosis and the issue. This blog will be more than just a discussion of my struggles, but it will be a collection of different methods I find helpful in dealing with it, so that perhaps I may be a positive influence on others whom have just discovered their diagnosis as well, and also so that those without, may better understand how to deal with their loved ones that have it.